Who you really are

When I got laid off a month or so ago I went through a storm of emotions. I was hurt that they felt they could function without me. Don't we all think that our position is the most important one of all? I should know better by now, I know. But it still hurts. I was sad that financially the place was a disaster and the decisions being made were not helping the situation. I was also sad that it seemed like all my efforts over the last almost two years didn't seem to be valued or even to have made much of a difference. I was disappointed that my belief and defence of the place in the media and to the general public proved to be in vain. I was wrong. They were all right. The joke is on me!



BUT - and this is a huge but...I also felt so much relief, and I almost thanked them for giving me an "out." What I had experienced pretty much the entire time I worked there was way more stress than I need or want in my life. It was constant drama, confusion and doubt. There was no consistency, and nothing was certain...ever. No, I'm not exaggerating. It could have been the best job I've ever had because I loved what I did, but it really was a nightmare because of horrible management.



Anyway my relief has turned into a much greater gift. When I talked to my son on the phone after I had told him I was no longer employed he said, "Well, Mom, now you can go back to being who you really are." The stress had stolen my peace, my creativity and my true purpose. I was not placed on this earth to merely survive - to just get through one more day.



Who I really am is someone who needs to express herself purposefully. Thus...this blog. And with time to think, time to express myself, time to be all that I was meant to be I have started something I have always wanted to do. I am writing. I love it and I will continue to do it until the day I die. Just because it is who I am. And who knows? There may be a book in the works too!